Mailbag! - more Snakes on a Plane!

This came in from Lydia in Richmond:

Dear Jay,

I really like reading your golf reviews. Definitely keep them coming, but you had me ROTFLOL [author’s note: that’s “Rolling on the floor laughing out loud…” different from HOGMP which is “Hang on, getting more Pringles.” Anyway…]

…You had me ROTFLOL. Please give me more snakes on the plane jokes and point me to the websites that have even more Snakes on the Plane.

Lydia from Richmond, VA

Lydia, flattery will get you everywhere. After all, Snakes on a plane, it’s not just a movie, it’s a catchphrase. So without any further ado, here are more sequels to “Snakes on a Plane.”

“Mice in a strip club”

“Scorpions in a shoe store”

“Velociraptors on a cruise ship”

“Yoko in a thong”

I’m sorry guys, that was a cheap and easy joke.;)

“Satan in the Dining room”

Bud Selig in the commissioner’s office”

Oh…yeah…nevermind

Anyway, “ESPN at the Masters”

These jokes CONTINUE to write themselves.

Now, here’s some alternate endings to Snakes on a plane:

POSSIBLE "SURPRISE"
ENDINGS TO THE NEW
SAMUEL L. JACKSON FILM
SNAKES ON A PLANE.

BY MARC KEINATH AND KYLE NUSKE

- - - -

Scenario One

Samuel L. Jackson discovers a new superbreed of snake, developed by the United States military, on board the plane. Quickly realizing that this snake could destroy the world, and knowing he would rather die than risk bringing this monster to the mainland, he decides to crash the plane into an offshore nitroglycerin plant.

Scenario Two

After single-handedly killing all snakes on board and landing the plane, Jackson steps onto the tarmac and removes his trench coat only to reveal that he is, in fact, made entirely out of snakes.

Scenario Three

While on the bus ride home from the airport, Jackson notices the bus driver seems nervous. The driver informs him that if the bus goes slower than 55 mph, snakes will drop from the ceiling. Samuel looks directly at the camera and says, "Here we go again!

Scenario Four

As the plane is landing, Samuel Jackson is battling the last snake on the plane: a giant anaconda named Nancy. When he is about to let Nancy live by trapping her in a large duffle bag, he notices his father's wristwatch around her neck. Realizing that this is the snake that killed the man who raised him, Sam entangles Nancy's tail in the landing gear, simultaneously puréeing the beast and attaining the vengeance he has sought since age 13.

Here is the wikipedia entry.

SATAN IN THE DINING ROOM???