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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

It's official, we now have ten planets in our solar system

We interrrupt this golf website to bring you a special bulletin.

Scientists have confirmed that a solid, rocky "Kuiper Belt" object orbiting our sun called "UB313" is actually a "tenth planet" and is larger in diameter (by 1,500 miles) then the former furthest planet from the sun, Pluto. That's interesting. So now Pluto's not furthest from the sun, but is still smallest. The article is here.

Sadly, the American research team discovering UB313 have been calling it "Xena" after the TV show and calling it's miniscule moon "Gabrielle" after Xena's sidekick. Thankfully, neither name will stick since world convention dictates the celestial body
must be named after a God or Goddess from mythology. Some of you may remember the British running afoul of this rule last time some blighted rock was thought to be a tenth planet. They tried to have it named "Rupert."

Hmmm, let's see what other names were passed on also by the impromptu U.S. Planet Naming Committee:

1. Seinfeld. What? The show was about nothing. There's nothing on the planet. It fits.

2. He-Man. Well, if we're gonna nominate names based on post-apocalyptic fantasy worlds, Xena's just gonna have to wait her turn cause He-Man's got it all over that

3. Zorak. C'mon, work with me people, Zorak had not one but two successful TV
stints and he even plays mad keyboards. Plus he sells more merch than He-Man. Everybody knows planet naming is all about moving the ancillary merch and building the planet's brand. C'mon people, who'd you rather have on your baseball cap, Zorak or some tired old greek goddess of wisdom and hunting? (That would be "Athena" for those of you scoring at home, "Minerva" for you Romans.)

4. "Tenth Planet presented by Tostitos." They made the highest bid for the rights. Money talks. Tenth Planet's Moon presented by Viagra.

5. Gandalf. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

Question: Don't you know who Gandalf is?
Answer: No, I'm too busy having sex with girls.

6. Picard. See number 5.

7. Jagger. He beat up Bono to be first in line. and name the moon Richards.

8. Batman. Batman's a god...to a bunch of 40 y/o losers in their underwear surrounded by empty Pringles cans.

9. Doak. Name the moon Nicklaus. (That's a "Sebonac Golf Club" joke. I had to get golf course architecture in this post somehow.)
For more, Golf Punk had this to say. Also, Golfchick found another great celestial body on her site.


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